Announcing The Winner! is pleased to announce the winner of its first ever “Monologue Contest.” The contest drew entries from all over the world, and has helped connect a greater network of writers. Participants compiled short, 250 word responses to daily prompts, and their entry fees were added to an ever growing jackpot. The contest was judged by Jeffrey F. Barken and Matthew Falk. Submissions were rated based on their use of language to stylize stream of conscious remarks. looks forward to repeating the contest this fall.

The winner of this round of monologging and a $50 Visa gift card is Ethan Woods! Ethan’s submission, entitled “And Then There Is Always Sailing,” is a poetic landslide of anecdotes, punctuated by humor, and rendered charmingly rhythmic by it’s shrug of the shoulders refrain. To read Ethan’s monologue please scroll below. Additional monologues by contest runners-up, Neelab Mahmoud, Sasha Streiber and Sarah Loden, can be read HERE.


Sailboat, Regatta, by Olivier Baelde, Courtesy of



“And Then There Is Always Sailing”

        (250 words by Ethan Woods, written in response to the prompt: “Sailing”)


Heroes are not made of rubber. Effort is a virtue. There is no money in fat bowls. Trade often, trade pigs. It is not art if it does not tick. Take me out of the beating breast. I walk for charities, not for enemies. And then there is always sailing.

Falling backwards is better than not falling at all. Change your sheets with the diligence of a plumber. A cat on Wednesday is a lion on Friday. Two dogs and garbage man do not make the call. Fiery feet can bake the cake. Burn your bathrobe, its laundry day! Cleveland cares. If a shoe is on the wall, take it down. An uncle is an uncle’s uncle. Serenity takes vaseline and dedication. Pluck another, love each other. And then there is always sailing.

Pickling is easiest when mourning. Wait two minutes, then throw the egg. Flour power is a mother’s shower. Hold two and it becomes true. Wishing works. The train is the common man’s dinner party. A stone! A stone! This scab for a stone! Spin it backwards. If that does not work, then
quit calling this number. A fish and and owl will break the bed. Wooden tires? Lots of fires! Never take a biscuit if you want a manicure. Those sticky walls again. Lengthen. Leave. Strengthen. Steve. Goodbyes are hardest when you don’t know each other. And then there is always sailing.


Click here to read monologues submitted by the contests three runners-up!

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